Wednesday, May 25

Sunny Day, Gloomy Mood

The sun was out today and we were in it. I've got to admit, I was a little selfish today, putting "because the sun is finally out," want to do's, above, "because the sun is finally out," need to do's, and I'm going to regret it as soon as the rain starts to drizzle and the sun shrinks, once again, behind those darkening clouds.

Though the day was ceased, rays of sun loved, endured, and encouraged, tonight I miss the rain, because tonight my mood suits it. With all the excited giggles from extra high under-dogs and more than my share of grass stained bare feet kissed, I'm left with the gnawing worries, that come with having a growing 8 year old boy.

Lately, Wesley has been pushing things, testing all limits, and questioning every authoritative decision. Where Calvin is getting older, I encourage when he now questions things to understand the cause and effect, and am disgruntled when Wesley questions, everything, simply to challenge …everything... and I'm left feeling guilty at the end of the day, because my patience for the latter leaves much to be desired. 

With the stand of defiance in the middle of the grocery store, the snappy comebacks under the breath, and snarky bravery that presents itself around friends, all my "it is, what it is" sanity is quickly forgotten, lost, is the simple consequence to your actions and dismissed rebuttals with a simple "because I'm your Mother" statement.

In that woman's place, is a sarcastic, over talker, who tries to reason, while reminding herself and her son of her own authority, with unrealistic punishments threatened, followed by I'm sorries from both sides and a long monolog on why, "we just can't act that way" is delivered.

I find no comfort in the encouragement of other's "we've all been there", "this too shall pass", or "it's just a phase" because as much as those statements are true, I don't want this phase to leave before I've figured out the best way to approach it, handle it, and bring a flourishing Wesley out of it… simultaneously, blooming a better me.

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